Denver Boudoir Photographer – Scared and Excited, At The Same Time
I have been absent recently, especially from my blog. Even my Facebook page has been slower, you may have noticed. There is a combination of reasons, however it really comes down to two big ones. First, as a Denver boudoir photographer, I have been crazy busy. No, scratch that, INSANELY out of my mind busy. I have been shooting so much more, working on things more, and moving forward. While I love working so much, I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t slowly driving me into the ground. Burning the candle at both ends is quite the understatement.
I try to keep everything together, and moving, and not be super emotional – but the reality is, that I am an emotional person. A REALLY emotional person. And two things have happened in the last couple of months that have been wearing me out.
I have my new Denver boudoir studio space. And holy moly, it is amazingly beautiful and I am SOOOOO happy and grateful and beyond blessed. Sometimes I sit on the bed and look around, and tears come to my eyes – happy tears – because I am so thrilled at where I’m at. But part of that happiness is a huge, ugly, crazy chunk of fear.
Yep, I said it. FEAR.
I have never had this type of overhead before. It’s real now, right? Bills to pay, being a grown up not just in life, but in my business. I’m so very, very grateful for my blessings and this new space to grow and learn in – but having the added responsibility put me into panic mode. So I booked sessions. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of sessions. Like, four FULL sessions in one day. Now, previously, three in one day was doable. Four was pushing it, but hey, I can do it, right? My beautiful assistant Amy has been amazing in helping me, but even with her help, I knew it was a lot. But still, I figured, I can do it as long as it’s not every day.
Then at the beginning of this month, that changed. I felt so run down, all the time, like someone was draining all of my energy out of my body. Then the boobs starting hurting – sorry if that’s an overshare, that’s how we roll.
So yep – you guessed it – we are expecting our second child. We are thrilled, our family is beyond thrilled, but there are so many things that are changing now.
Not ONLY am I booking an insane amount of sessions to cover this fear that I have in the new space, but now I really, truly can’t do this many sessions without putting myself and/or the baby at risk. Talk about a wake up call – a need to take care of myself like I have only experienced once in my lifetime, when I was pregnant with my son. A realization that maybe I need to scale back a bit.
Only twice, in the history of my business as a Denver boudoir photographer, have I ever had to reschedule a session without a client request. And one of those times, after my client left, I passed out – literally – because I was so sick. I take my word very seriously. If I commit to something, it will take a LOT to tear me away from it. Today, I had to email some of my clients and beg their forgiveness for needing to reschedule. Hitting that “send” button made me want to throw up – no, not morning sickness, I felt so damn guilty for even asking. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had let them down.
And now the responses are pouring in, and they’re making me cry happy tears. Yes, it could be the hormones. But the understanding and love that I’m blessed with in this crazy time is really humbling me. I truly do work with the best clients in the world, and I am so, so grateful that God has put me where I’m at, with the awesome women that I work with.
So why am I writing this? A few reasons… One, to thank everyone for your continued support and flexibility. Two, to ask for forgiveness in the next year or so, as we work through this growing part of our lives, and how it fits into everything. And three, to let you all know that I absolutely, 100% adore you. All of you. I hate writing posts like this, putting myself out there, but I’ve been told I need to do it more often. So hold onto your hats, you know the saying, be careful what you wish for!
Every post is better with a photo, and I have SO many to share from these amazing sessions, but today it’s going to have to be a photo of Frankie. Lying at the top of our stairs, looking pathetic, hoping that we would take her with us on our way out.
Love and thanks to all,