Denver Boudoir Studio – “Real Women”
Yep, I’ve done it. I have said something nasty about someone that is super skinny, something snarky. It now has a name – body shaming – and while it tends to gravitate more towards the larger population, it goes both ways.
“Someone get that girl a cheeseburger.”
Sound familiar? Here’s a favorite:
“Real women have curves.”
I know I’ve said it, have you? Have you ever shamed someone else based on their size? Small or large, have you ever made someone feel bad about the way they’re shaped? Whether to their face or not, have you ever made fun of someone because of their body? I’m sure we can all say yes.
Since I have started working with women regularly in my Denver boudoir studio in a vulnerable capacity – clothes off – my views on this have changed entirely.
I’m a larger woman, and I used to say those things. I used to believe that women who are skinny had zero insecurities, that they were completely comfortable with their bodies, their shapes, and everything about themselves. Photographing women of all shapes and sizes has opened my eyes, so much. There are so many truths that I could share with you now, but one rings true over and over and over again, with almost every single session that I do:
WE ALL HAVE INSECURITIES. We are all “real women,” regardless of shape or size.
Let’s lose the term “Real Women” when it comes to someone’s shape or size.
It can be hard to swallow, to hear that our opposite – skinny or large – struggles with insecurities, just like we do. I’ve had clients that are amazingly fit come into my studio, worried about their boobs. I’ve had larger clients come into the Denver boudoir studio, worried about their thighs. I’ve had super tall clients come in that are self conscious about their height. Some clients will have very slim figures, but worry that they’re TOO skinny, and they’re self conscious about that. I’ve had women that are worried about their eyelids, their toes, their ears, their arms, their elbows, their pinkie fingers, their cheeks, their lips, their butts… the list goes on and on and on.
One of my clients recently came into my Denver boudoir studio to order her photos, and saw them on the big screen, and cried. Usually when there are tears, I always ask “is this a good cry or a bad cry?” It took a moment for her to collect herself, and she told me “I was so afraid that I was going to look like a skeleton, I tried so hard to gain weight before my session and it wasn’t working.”
That sentence was a slap in the face for me. A really stark and emotional reminder that we ALL have insecurities, even though they come in different forms. We all have things that we are self conscious about, things that bother us, things that make us feel less than awesome. So with that in mind, I have a challenge for you all:
Every time you think of a snarky comment about someone else’s body – or your own – replace that comment with something positive.
That’s a hard one, right? When you see a really large person at the store, and immediately think something not so nice, find something that you do like about that person, even if you don’t know them. Do they have a beautiful smile? Nice hair? There is something! If you see someone that is crazy tall and your first thought is something rude, find something else that is positive! Thoughts can dig neurological pathways in your brain, and actually encourage similar thoughts. So what if, instead of body shaming others and ourselves, we replaced those shameful thoughts with something that is a little more gracious? Something positive, even for someone you don’t know.
Especially for yourself.
I have been thinking so much about this lately, as I am coming up on a particularly terrifying situation for me – a video. Yes, I will be in front of the camera, inside my Denver boudoir studio. And all I can think about is my undereye circles will look awful. What if I look too big from the side? What if that baby belly REALLY shows? What if my hair looks stringy?
What if I look amazing and have a ton of fun? What if I really enjoy what I’m doing, and relax so much in front of the camera that I feel like it isn’t there? What if I am able to really convey what a session is like, what working with me is really like, without worrying about what I look like?
Holy moly that is hard to switch that in my mind. I get it, I know how hard it is for everyone else, especially for you. So try it. Replace those comments about others – AND YOURSELF – that aren’t so nice with something more positive. I’m curious to know how it changes your mindset, and if some positive changes are put into place in your lives.
Damn these emotional posts… as soon as I’m done writing I can barely see because of tears in my eyes. To end on a lighter note, and because every post looks better with a photo, I bring you a beautiful sneak peek from a session last year. Her full session is yet to come!
Ready to book your session!? I’m excited! Click here to contact me and get more information about booking your session with me!
If you’d like to have more information about what the heck is going on with sessions, parties and more, click here to grab my Denver boudoir photography guide – How to Look Amazing in Photos. It has tips and tricks to help you look amazing in photos – whether your clothes are on or off – and avoid having to untag yourself in a social media photo again. Or, just laugh with me at various shenanigans and get early access to events, model calls, and awesome goings-on. Either way, come join the list. We have cocktails.
I am so privileged to run one of the top Denver boudoir studios! My clients’ privacy is a top priority for these intimate portraits. Any and all boudoir images that are posted have been shared by the subject with written permission. I am honored that my clients choose to share their images with the world, and talk about their experiences with those images.
There is a new post on the blog today, a little more personal – what does the term “real women” mean to you?… http://t.co/4GBhYgK5kC
What an absolutely beautiful post. So easy to say oh so and so must have it so great in life being so skinny…but we all have our own issues. I would love to see women embracing being “real women” <3
Real women come in all shapes and sizes! Thank you for your comment. :)
Great post and so true! I think everyone body shames (both men and women!). Sue Bryce shared a quote one time on creativeLIVE “What others think of you is none of your business” and it has stuck with me. I think about it every time I feel insecure about myself. Its true, what others think of us is not our problem, its how they see themselves in a way – its a reflection of their own feelings towards themselves. However, I do agree that people should be more positive and less snarky towards others. Keep doing what you’re doing! Your photos are awesome BTW!
Awww thank you for your kind words! That is an amazing quote, I love it! I’m going to tuck it away in my brain. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what others think of us. Easier said than done :)
I’m a skinny girl and I struggled with my weight a lot as a kid. I was always jealous of the “curvy” girls who had boobs and butts. This is such an important post. Thank you!
Isn’t it funny how we want what we don’t have? We ALL have insecurities, it is amazing to me to hear women tear themselves down.