Loving Women, Loving Each Other

This is a post that I wrote in July of 2007. After some conversations lately with women, I decided to resurrect it. My old blog now points here, so it is not viewable online anymore, but I think that the idea behind it is super important, and I wanted to put it out there again. At this time I was finishing a REALLY hard time in my life, and several “friends” showed their true colors. I’m not sure if it was that specific experience or a collection of several of them, but I still wholeheartedly believe in what I wrote. This is a huge part of why I love doing boudoir so much… but that is another blog post for another time. :)

Why Are Women So Cruel? July 2007

I started this post March 30, 2007, after learning that a supposed “friend” had said some really nasty things about me… it still holds true, and is something that I’m becoming increasingly passionate about.

Isn’t it amazing how women tear each other down, being so incredibly cruel to each other? Why do we do this to each other? Where did we learn it from? I suppose it really doesn’t matter where we learned it from, but we need to stop now, and start to build each other up instead.

It’s not easy being a woman, it really isn’t. And I know that every man that reads this is going to say “but it’s not easy being a man either!” Well men, the fact remains that we still live in a patriarchal society, and women are still paid less for the same jobs, forced to choose between family and work, and there are so many other examples. The fact is, it’s not easy to be a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, I love being a mother, and I wouldn’t trade in what I have to be a man. But when we know that it’s difficult to be a woman, why do we, as women, tear other women down? Especially when we can understand and relate with what another woman might be going through. The media tears women down enough as it is – why do we contribute? (Again men, don’t get defensive here, I know that not every man does it. And it isn’t always intentional, but look at the things that we’re surrounded with every day. Do you really think that the ad with the super skinny starlet, ultra photoshopped to have no flaws builds us up and makes us feel better about ourselves? And who do you think makes most of those ads?)

Women are strong. SO strong. Not physically, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally. We are put through the wringer daily just in normal life situations – and then when other women are tearing us down it makes things even worse.

I really believe that it’s time for women to step up and say enough is enough. I think that we need to start telling each other how wonderful we are, because we’re definitely critical enough of ourselves. Is your girlfriend going through a hard time? Tell her how beautiful she is, inside and out. Is your girlfriend nervous about an upcoming first date with someone she likes, or being treated poorly by someone she’s with? Tell her that she is a wonderful woman who deserves someone who is going to treat her like a queen in every way possible.

These things of course only apply when you surround yourself with wonderful women, which is another very, very important thing to have. I said in a previous post that “friends” will fade away and it’s so true. Usually you find out later who is truly toxic in your life – get rid of them and concentrate on the wonderful people in your life!

I have been guilty of this in my life as well. A few years ago I read a story about a bartender – strange, I know. But it really made me think about the impression that I leave with people. I am very, very conscious of how I treat people now, especially women, and I’ve made it a goal of mine to leave someone feeling better or to have a better day because they’ve talked to me. I don’t know whether I’ve succeeded, it’s not something that people tell you outright. But I have had a few people tell me that I’m gentler with my tongue and my words, so I consider that a move in the right direction. I’m not perfect and still fall, but I really, truly try to lift others up every single day.

Please ladies, consider your actions and words towards other women. Yes, I still fall back into the cattiness from time to time – we all do. But I sincerely hope and try to have words that MOST of the time are encouraging and uplifting towards others. If every woman did the same, we would still have minor arguments and disagreements, but I really believe that this world would be a different place. Women have the power to tear each other down and hurt… or build our girlfriends up. Choose the latter.

Because every post is better with a picture, this is phone snapshot of me and my best friend. We have been friends for far too long – I won’t mention a number. When those “friends” took every opportunity to tear me apart during a time in my life where it felt like everything was falling apart, she was there for me. Ladies, send your BFF’s a text message or a note and tell them how much they mean to you.