Female Boudoir Denver – Why Are We Trying?
I have been thinking more and more about this subject for quite awhile. As a specialist in female boudoir Denver photography, I have worked with SO MANY WOMEN from all different backgrounds. Different shapes, sizes, ages, skin colors, body types, and every other characteristic you can possibly think of.
With ALL of these women, there is one running theme over and over and over again: they have all been made fun of for something about their bodies.
This hit me like a ton of bricks a few years ago. As a larger woman myself, I always thought that skinny chicks had it so easy. After all, they’re not made fun of because of their weight, they look beautiful to everyone else, why would they be insecure? And then I had a client who had what we would call a “Barbie” doll body. Teeny waist, huge boobs, and just all around beautiful. And it was ALL NATURAL – this was her natural body shape, there was no plastic surgery or modification of any kind. She was the kind of woman that you would likely see on the beach with ALL of the guys watching her, and trying not to look like creepers while doing it. She was amazingly kind and sweet, and smart and funny too – the woman had it all.
And then she told me that she was teased mercilessly in high school because of the way she looks.
I was dumbfounded – what could anyone possibly have to tease her about? When it came to the genetic lottery, she really had it ALL, based on our culture’s standards.
She shared the stories with me – she had been teased about her boobs being too big.
SERIOUSLY?! Here was a woman that fit exactly what our culture wants when it comes to looks – and she is still being teased?
That moment – as well as several others – really smacked me in the face.
You see, I was teased in high school too. For as long as I could remember, I haven’t been a skinny woman. Not huge, but not tiny either. And there are definitely people that teased me for it. Come to think of it, they teased me for any number of reasons – and there were plenty to choose from.
I was teased for my weight. She was teased for her boobs. We have ALL been ridiculed for something, right? The people who will zero in on body features to tease us for them will always find something to complain about. Something to bring to our attention, to make us feel like we aren’t good enough. That’s how these people operate – usually they feel so shitty about themselves, that teasing someone else is their go-to to deflect attention from their own insecurities.
If we are all going to be teased or ridiculed for something when it comes to the way we look, we will never, ever, EVER fit perfectly into someone’s mold of what we SHOULD look like. There will always be something that doesn’t fit perfectly. Larger waist, bigger boobs, gap in your teeth, one eye slightly smaller than the other… they will always find something.
After I thought about this a little more, this question came to mind:
WHY ARE WE EVEN TRYING TO FIT INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S MOLD OF WHAT WE SHOULD LOOK LIKE!?
There is no winning. There is no magic formula, a set of characteristics that people will deem worthy when it comes to our appearance. These bratty people will always find something – so why do we keep trying?
Instead of trying to fit into someone else’s mold of what we SHOULD look like, wouldn’t it be more beneficial to decide for ourselves what we think is beautiful, and accept our bodies, flaws and all, as they are?
Think of the BRAIN POWER that we spend obsessing about and focusing on our perceived flaws. If I think about the brain power and energy that I have spent thinking about my undereye circles, I could probably be president right now. Think of the ENERGY that is spent on these “flaws” that DON’T MATTER.
Yes, there will always be things that we want to change – but what would happen if we wanted to make these changes for the right reasons, instead of trying to fit into someone else’s mold? And by right reasons, I mean reasons that are healthy for our minds, souls, and bodies – not reasons that are based on someone else’s bullshit perception of what we should or shouldn’t look like.
To lose weight because we want to be healthy, not because our culture deems skinny as beautiful.
To dye our hair because we want to do something fun and different, not to try to fit what others say is pretty.
To wear a certain piece of clothing because damnit we like it and how it fits, not because it’s trendy or someone else will say it’s cool.
I feel like this is a fight that I have been fighting since I was very young, with schoolmates, then with boyfriends, then with coworkers, and now with social media, even as an adult.
And ladies, here is the cold, hard, truth: we can’t win this fight.
SO WHY ARE WE TRYING!?
We will never fit in with what the world wants us to be, so let’s be ourselves. Let’s celebrate our own bodies. Our lopsided mom boobs. Our weird shaped toenails. Our funky hair that sticks up funny in some places. Our waist that isn’t quite a waist anymore but looks more like a celery stalk. Or in my case, a turnip.
Celebrate YOURSELF, and your body. Right now, just as you are. It’s the only one you’ve got, and ultimately your opinion is the only one that really matters.
Celebrate YOU, love YOU, be proud of YOU.
And one of these days when I’m feeling BLAH and say so in my Facebook group, remind me too, okay? Let’s build each other UP instead of tearing each other down.
I would love to hear your thoughts – what have you been teased about as a kid? Or as an ADULT – which is shocking but still so true?
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